A MAGICAL ADVENTURE WITH FRENCH FRIES AND CRISCO
by i win 69
Summary: MY MEMOIR.


Once upon a time there was this guy named Canada British Chris. He was a very sad guy who got bullied a lot by air for existing. He had the saddest life in the world, can you imagine, the world didn't revolve around him sometimes and that was just a deplorable thing for him to realize. Because he had the names of the two best countries in the world in his name he thought that meant he was as cultural, deep and cool as those countries and thus filled his house and room with Canadian and British symbols, music records and various other artifacts that would make him appear to the naked eye to be somewhat culturally deep and interesting, when really he was just a plebe trying to molest the shit out of two great countries and their cultures because he literally has no personality of his own.

He actually didn't live in those countries the names were just given to him by his parents, which made him think that somehow he had the same cultural epicness as them.

Anyway, so Canada British Chris was a very sad guy. Like I said (wowie) sometimes the world didn't revolve around him 100% (it was more like 98.9% of the time) and this made him very angsty and bitter and depressed so he tried drugs and made a big deal out of his drug using like he was some kind of hardcore guy because he did acid that one time in his angsty not-ginger friend's basement. (he isn't really ginger but he likes to pretend he has no soul and has some freckles so he thinks that makes him count, he doesn't though, he actually doesn't matter at all he's really boring and mentally incapable of thinking properly because of all the cum that his 'meaniepie daddy' shoved into his nostril one time while they were playing chess.) SO ANYWAY, gotta keep on track here, this shit is important as fuck, Canada British Chris liked to talk down people that were worse off in life than him, and he especially liked to fuck around with girls and get a kick out of how much he mangled, humiliated them and abused them verbally. And of course he thought that saying "sorry" and calling one time like a needy desperate horny dog was enough to clear the air. Well it wasn't!

He made the terrible mistake of pursuing a lady fairy who was disguised as a plebe. (No I'm just kidding, she was actually a wanna-be fairy plebe who had only one bag of magic-ass-fucking beans. MAGIC ASS FUCKING BEANS!)

So anyway, he managed to capture the fairy plebe and rape her brain with dark druggie canada magic and all that fun shit. (his dick wouldn't fit in her she was too tiny, but this tricked him into thinking his dick was big but it's actually really small, gross and weird colored just like her tiny fairy vajayjay that he never even touched because he's that much of a virgin plebe. Like he literally was too much of a chicken shit to even actually fuck her. Total virgin plebe. But oh well, the fairy was glad he never touched her or he might make her fairyvag rip open and bleed to death and become pregnant and die.)

He basically just sort of sat there and ruined her life even though her life already totally sucked and she told him to go away he kept pestering until she decided to give him a second chance and when she gave it to him he fucked it in the asshole because he's that much of a jackass. Literally a giant ball of herpes growing out of his goddamn forehead.

So then she decided she would do an evil thing. She took her magic fucking beans, literally the only thing that defined her as a fairy, she literally had no good qualities beyond those magic fucking beans, and she FUCKING WASTED THEM ON HIS PLEBe WANNA-BE ASSHOLE.

She basically put an OMEN on him, USING the magic beans that he would become homosexual for every ugly weird nerdy poor creepy man that he ever laid eyes on, basically he would become sexually attracted to everything he hates for the rest of his life. She actually turned him pansexual I guess then. Or like, EVERYTHINGHEHATESEXUAL hahah yeah that's so witty.

So anyway one day after the curse was placed on him, Canada British Chris was swaaaagggggering down the street with his fat round potato rehab-freed friend, Nick the orange teletubbie who got fired from teletubbies for his drug addiction. Stupid fucking fuck.

He was swaggering so hard with his tiny dick waving in the air when SUDDENLY HE SAW!

A BOY NAMED!

_FRENCH BERNARD!_

Bernard was a loud, annoying, overly sensitive human vagina. He had a girly face but always talked about how great right wing conservative women oppressing views would be. He was basically the same exact person as Canada Chris just with differently colored opinions but they basically were the same thing. Annoying, lanky, homosexual in their entire nature but yet somehow completely homophobic and both claiming to be conservative while both sitting in their mother's bathroom masturbating with their sister's thong. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. YAOI.

Yep.

A match made in fucking hell.

They absolutely hated each other because they were basically exactly the same, like two plebes who think they're QUEENS…. Or wait I'm sorry _Kings … riiiiight… _ THEY CANNOT GET ALONG cus they want to be worshiped while not giving or sacrificing anything to anyone but themselves.

So naturally when Canada British Chris saw French Bernard he got a giant boner. It was literally almost three inches this time, he couldn't believe his eyes, he totally wanted to fuck French Bernard in the butt. This totally freaked out Teletubbie Nick and he waddled away while injecting himself in the thigh with heroine but it wasn't working because he was too fucking fat. FUCKING FAT USELESS FUCK.

MEANWHILE UGH THAT UGLY BITCHASS FAIRY JUST WATCHED BITTERLY OUT OF HER UGLY BITCHASS WINDOW WHILE CUTTING HER WRISTS WITH A BUTTERKNIFE AND CRYING LIKE A LOSER UGLY BITCHASS IDIOT. GOD.

Um anyway so Chris went home super ashamed cus he didn't want to turn into a homiosaxual because he had always said he was so super straight and could get any girl he wanted even though he was still a virgin fucking plebe.

He was so lonely sexually when he got home and his sister's slutty thong was nowhere to be found so he went and he grabbed his "Arrogant Purebred Dogs And Their Damn Fine Ass Fur" and he wrapped it around his willy (THEY CALL THEM WILLIES IN BRITAIN THAT MAKES HIM MORE BRITISH!) and he totally started the fappsmap and then he rolled up tight and put it in his sparkly British London death metal hole. WHICH WAS SUPER WIDE FROM BEING FISTED BY HIS NOT-GINGER FRIEND. GOD I HATE THESE PEOPLE. ESPECIALLY THAT FAIRY BITCH UGH.

SO THEN THAT MOTHERFUCKER

He freaking went over the French Bernards house and confessed his love. LO AND BEHOLD THAT FAIRY BITCH PUT THE SAME OMEN ON BERNARD! SHE HAD THREE MAGIC BEANS BITCHES! :DDDD  
So then the not-gay totally straight "woman loving" dudes starting to make out hardcore. They put their flipper dipper sprinkle skippers into each other's british London death metal holes

So much rainbow poptart juice spewed all over them. It was surprising because their tiny ewwie gross weird colored dongwrongs.

They were totally gay together and that's how Chris died of herpes never forget 2012

Rip in peace British Canada Chris.

_Rip in Peace. _

_ Also_

_ Not-ginger and Nicktubbie had a babie together bye. _

_ Also the bitch fairy wrote this whole thing and she is a bitch with blue waffles in her british rainbow poopy hole I hope you're all happy god dammit. _


End file.
